May 16, 2018
I am enjoying this so much. One of the best parts of this journey are the other women I have come in contact with who write as well.
Many different styles from various parts of the country; and a couple from across the world who love writing as much as I do. All with their own passions who have their personal struggles, but they keep going and that inspires me.
Some of these women are dealing with chronic illnesses, mental health issues, and then some, but they keep writing through the pain. That makes me never want to complain about anything ever again, although I’m sure I will. It definitely forces me to bury any excuse that will conflict with my writing. Seeing these women write through the issues they have encourages me to face the fears I have. I still do not understand some of my fears, however I am slowly but surely trying to face them.
I am discovering how shy I am. I know if anyone who grew up with me just read that fell out of their chair laughing, and would probably say “Girl shut up! You ain’t never been shy!” However in a comfortable setting around those who know me I am fine. Being away from everything and everyone I really know, and who knows me I am a very socially awkward person. I don’t know what to say and when I do I don’t really know how to say it. I am horrible at small talk.
I am starting to see why I have gravitated back to writing. I can in a sense hide behind my words. With writing I can hit delete, rearrange my words into a more orderly fashion, and take the time to gather my thoughts. Sometimes my thoughts come so far out of order it’s like piecing together a puzzle that exploded out of my brain onto paper.
The only issue I have right now is I wish I had more time. With more responsibility at work which takes nearly half my day I’ve had to schedule in my writing. I take every free moment these days outside of the scheduled time I have allotted to write. The time I have on the bus on my way to work, and every break at work I am writing or working on my brand as a whole.
If I never receive one thing in return for anything I produce on this writing journey that is fine, because I have finally immersed myself in something that is just for me. Though it is nice to hear someone say they enjoyed something I have done it is not essential for me to continue on. I am thankful for any supporter, but I would do this without them.
I don’t want to sound selfish or ungrateful, because I do appreciate it, but for now this journey belongs to me.